Moving Home

Well I am moving back to the old homestead to help take care of my mother who is turning 80 this year. She is suffering from dementia. She hasn't drank for almost 20 years, and says GOD is her answeer for everything. I still have flashbacks to those drunken nights of hell raising,violence, and suffer post traumatic stress disorder. I have a deep seeded resentment I have tried and tried to let go of. It is tough and I imagine it will get tougher. Dear Lord if I ever needed strength it is now.

DOCTORS DO WELL WITH PAYMENTS FROM BIG PHARMA - OHIO LIST

HERE IS A LIST OF OHIO DOCTORS AND WHAT THEY WERE PAID BY PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES IN ONE YEAR!
http://download.gannett.edgesuite.net/wkyc/news/DrugCompanyMoney_Web.pdf
meta name="googlebot" content="noindex">

Intervention Television Show

The Girl with the Dragon TattooLast night I watched two episodes of intervention. One was about an oxycontin addict who stole, ripped dealers off, and even had his ad giving him money for the pills. I was fortunate enough to have a good job throughout my addiction. The stealing and ripping people off only happened in the severest stage. At the worst I was doing up to 20- 40MG Oxycontin in one to two days. I once ate a 100mcu fentanyl patch I had frozen in the freezer. Why I am not dead is only known by God. Back to the original subject, Intervention. I think all pre teens and teens should have to sit through one or two seasons of this show. You see the dark side of addiction, not the mysterious, fun, side of drug use. Yes, it makes your stomach turn to watch some episodes but better on T.V. than in your household. Opiates are everywhere in Southern Ohio. Its an epedemic that seems to keep increasing each year. Kids I knew when they were 10 or 11 are now junkies. Our federal govt. medicaid card pays for alot of the dealers pills in our county. That use to pissme off, I would work all day and stop by and pay for pills my tax dollars bought in the first place. Crazy eh?

EVERY DAY COULD BE MY LAST ONE, SO.......... I WILL LIVE LIKE IT!

I was happy to find out my oldest sister was done with the chemo, and radiation. The oncologist said she was even going to have her hair come back in. I found this out on Monday of this week. My relief was short lived as her daughter Karen (my niece) was in the hospital and the doc said they were going to remove her gall bladder on Wednesday. Apparently when they opened her up the surgeon found a mass growing on her colon, which he also removed. So I got a phone call at work today from April, (another niece)  telling me that Karen has stage 3 COLON cancer. It hasn't been 2 hours since I found out, but I am still in somewhat of a "fog" that is undescribable. I recently posted about the subject of death and what I perceived as the 3 types of people when it comes to their feelings and beliefs about death. I did see Karen at the 4th of July party one of my 3 sisters had & I thought Karen looked sickly. I must admit I thought it was probably drugs, but I am glad I kept my opinion to myself now. I come from a large family and these are the times that we all form a certain cohesiveness to support one another, hug one another, laugh and cry together. I only wish that it didn't take a bad event to get us to slow down, take time to be together like we use to. Karen, I will be praying for you, and I love you. Uncle Jeff

STOP! Be Careful When Taking Advice - One Solution Won't Solve All Problems

There is so much information on the internet. I dare say that 90% is made up on the spot by imaginative authors. On to the subject of Suboxone now.  Today I have read how the physicians love their sub slaves they have chained to them if only for the money. I have read how it was hell on earth to quit.  Another goes on to say "if you start it, you will be on it for the rest of your life" I read the 5 PILL titration method, which the poster guarantees will work, but MOST doctors won't tell you about it. Now all of this calls for using some common sense. I do pray tell you do have some. What works for Buster in the Bronx may not work for Sally in Kansas. The intangables in this life are hardly black and white. There are a select group I am sure will disagree with me on that point. People and situations are as diverse as the individuality of all people. Though somebody may find a "general plan" or have a generalized model of something, most times we as unique individuals must sort out through trial and error what will help us. I often recoil when I hear somebody say Absolutlely 100% of the time, I guarantee it will do this, that. Most of the time people are just trying to help. But I heard a long time ago that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Will Suboxone SAVE MANKIND?: Trusting Again

Will Suboxone SAVE MANKIND?: Trusting Again: "If you have been able to meet a physician and have been provided a prescription for suboxone then you should be able to sustain some stability in your life. This is time you can use to find a therapist,a job, find new friends, anything to start a new life. Now that you don't have to spend each waking moment looking for a fix, money for a fix, you can concentrate on a routine to get your life back. It will take time.










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Will Suboxone SAVE MANKIND?: 3 Kinds of People

seedlesss.blogspot.com

Will Suboxone SAVE MANKIND?: All Things Wildly Considered Very Unusual Blog!

Will Suboxone SAVE MANKIND?: All Things Wildly Considered Very Unusual Blog!










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3 Kinds of People

The other might I came to the realization of death, a universally puzzling thing,
fearful, yet for some it is comforting. Those with that kinda faith are deluded and in denial. I am speaking of those with blind faith.

I was home alone thinking that most adults my age (44) must have considered the dillema of time, facing each human with equality in affects upon their persons. I am in this FIRST group who are coming to terms with the undeniable reality that our "souls" will no longer be renting your carcass, thus rendering you dead, dead, dead. Now the group number 2 people are much more like the "me" through my late twenties. Up until this time death and old age were light years in front of me. But as the years passed I became aware that each year I must slow down as I may have missed a week here or there. Now the years are gaining the momentum that tells me I need to be at peace with myself, My beliefs, each day a blessing. No longer can I say if I doubled my age I would stil not be 60!

Group 3 is there, living there last few years. Some may be happy, upbeat, others are unable to come to terms with their age and approaching death. Those that are rich enough can get frozen like Walt Disney, but who knows if Cryonics will ever work anyway. My favorite type of person to befriend

When Is Enough Enough?

I will quit tomorrow. I must have said that a thousand times. But what does it take for one to decide they have had enough? Some call it their rock bottom. Was it the time I saw my best friend Andy pour hot grease on his arm so he could go to the E.R. and score? When I saw Andy in a casket, and I sobbed uncontrollably and had to leave the funeral? When I wondered how long I would be in prison if -------- found out that I was ------ from them? My addiction took a turn for the worse when I my company went under. I was left with a $150.000 mortgage, a new wife, my two kids and her two step kids. I burned through my 401K in 12 months. $97000.00 down the tubes. My bottom came when my sons came in my room as I sat sobbing uncontrollably, knowing I was going to have to go some place and I mean then. It was Christmas day and my sons held me and told me they loved me. THEY gave me the will to fight back, to get help. To admit I was in over my head and couldn't fix this one on my own. I was introduced to suboxone on Dec. 26, 2005. I believe it helped save my life. It took alot more than just the medicine, but I was willing to do anything. I hope that maybe even one person will read this and realize there is hope. There is redemption. Ultimatley it is up to each individual to decide.










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Suboxone Crutch or Lifesaver?: All Things Wildly Considered Very Unusual Blog!

All Things Wildly Considered Very Unusual Blog!

I just read a blog from by a man not fifty miles South of my hometown. He seems to be on a crusade against pain management doctors in Portsmouth,Ohio area. I hope that Frank isn't supplying new names and places for people to go get more pills. It is an epedemic in Southern Ohio. I didn't realize how many active mills there still are around here. I took exception with his adding Dr. McGinnis to his list. I found him to be caring, a fellow 12 stepper, and a NO Bull_____ type of guy. I respected him as a doctor and still do.

Trusting Again

If you have been able to meet a physician and have been provided a prescription for suboxone then you should be able to sustain some stability over your life. This will not CURE you, nor will you be "fixed" or whatever other labels addicts have been provided with. This is the time to reach out, I said REACH OUT! Find somebody you can trust, or learn to trust and start letting the conversation flow. This has been a hindrance to me, in following this advice as I know it works wonders. I have serious trust issues that have kept me guarded and has hindered my progress. The mom of the first girl I ever loved once told me, "If you have ONE true friend in this life you are blessed." How true those words have rung in my ears.

Random Stuff

Not much to say today. hoping to get this up and running to the point where others can see it.

July 4thHappy Birthday America

Happy Birthday America- The land of the addicted, strung out, incarcerated, most drug consuming nation and the home of the DEA. I may sound pessimistic today or even bitter. SUBOXONE you see, is not a cure all for drug addicition. It does however give an addict the chance to quell the monkey on their back for a long enough time to dive into the heart of the matter. The "issues and unresolved conflicts" which have been an integral part of the individuality before, during, and in my case after the drug usage. I need some insight or probably more so, some counseling to figure out who, and what I am. Why I did the things an intelligent adult would NEVER do, despite the horrible consequences I knew would follow. If anybody is reading this, have a safe and fun holiday, as for me I will be chilling at home (hiding from the monkey) he is always looking for an "in" with me albeit my circumstances, whatever.










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Dec,26,2005 5 Day 1 of Suboxone Usage

Suboxone Crutch or Lifesaver?: Dec. 26,2005 Day 1 of Suboxone Usage

What Is My Angle for Doing This?

As a former heavy opiate user I am still leery that everybody "has an angle" you don't get something for nothing. I hope to maybe erase some of the bad I contributed to society in the grips of my addiction. So I guess that could be seen as an angle, if you should so desire. I have been to a prominent rehabilitation center where I was 1st put on suboxone, to a D.O. down on the Ohio River who only charged a $20.00 monthly co pay, who was a demanding, no bullshit, recovering addict himself, to a country quack who cussed out the receptionist in the next room for accepting me. (I had $500.00 in cash clutched in my fist) as she explained he was no longer taking Sub patients, to a mild mannered man of Malaysian descent who happens to be a caring, kind, wonderful doctor. The first one on the list required daily phone calls to a nurse who would say "yes" or "no" as to whether that was the day I had to drive to Lab Corps an drop urine. The D.O. had no idea that I had found out he was in a preset "agreement" with the state medical board, but he was sure to always ask for my meeting list, and to ask what step i was working and what my sponsors phone number was. So.... I decided recently that if I can help one person get steered in the right direction then making god would add some purple hue to my cosmic karma,or forget the time I stole the Oxycontin from that medicine cabinet.











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A Visit to a Certified Suboxone Dr. May Be Costly

So now you are ready to see a doctor and come clean. You have had enough & are willing to try anything to stop the insane roller coaster ride known as your life. You will need to go online and try buprenorphine.samhsa.gov/bwns_locator/indexhtml this site should have a map of the United States. Simply click on the state you reside in and you will see a list of doctors and their location and phone number. The information is somewhat outdated, and doesn't seem to be updated often. I resorted to using the Patient/Doctor matching option. I simply filled in my e mail address and a small note. Three days later I had received follow up emails from doctors who were NOT listed on the directory. Office visits typically are CASH PAY and range from $500.00 for the first month & $300.00 monthly thereafter. I was fortunate to receive an e mail from a doctor 48 miles away who has a monthly fee of $160.00. My medical insurance pays for the scripts thank goodness. 90 Suboxone or Subutex would cost me over $950.00 if I had no insurance. Honestly, that is still cheaper than my maintenance costs on the black market. In the small town where I live the office visits are $450.00 - $600.00 a month. Go 50 miles north to Columbus and prices drop off to $100.00 -$200.00 a month range. If you are having problems locating a doctor I will be glad to assist you (for free of course) it can seem hard to do while in the grips of withdrawal.











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see more There I Fixed It

Dec. 26,2005 Day 1 of Suboxone Usage

I live or did live a fairly normal life, I had smoked pot, drank at times, even tried various pharmaceuticals in my twenties. I never plunged into the depths of the hell they call addiction as I casually used drugs for relaxation. I was 27 years old, owned my own home, had a wife who was able to be a stay at home mom, and a nice 401K tucked away. When the kids were one and three I stopped the partying, especially weed. My wife was unable to do so, and the resulting friction led to our marriage becoming another statistic. The overpowering feelings of failure left me incredibly broken. I moved back to my mother's home and with her help continued raising my sons. What I do remember is that my mom had Vicodin left from my fathers medicine bottles. I remember the headaches and one day my mom gave me two Vicodin and the next eleven years were altered. My 401K vanished, I committed numerous acts which I am too ashamed to admit, went to a detox and a two week rehab, and found the 12 Steps to be a cult. The only reson I am typing this today is I was put on suboxone Dec.26 2005. Since that time I have become very knowledgeable regarding both suboxone and subutex. Is it a cure all? No, but with willingness to quit using opiates for the high or to maintain so you can work - I say suboxone is the best chance one will have.





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